The most amazing man

My husband <3

Yesterday was a very hard, emotional day for me.  The hormones are really getting the best of me.  I was irrational, crying, irritable, frustrated and overwhelmed.  On several occasions I got really upset with this man.  I felt he was pushing me to do things I had to do but wasn't ready to (like find a doctor, make calls, important stuff that I was putting off because I couldn't stop crying.)  One moment I felt like he was being bossy and nagging, the next moment it seemed like he was completely ignoring me.

I feel like picking a doctor is such a daunting task, choosing the right one, finding someone close, picking a birthing option that the doctor will agree to.  I wanted to just go to an office and talk to someone, anyone.  Most of the local ones I've found online are closed.  My reaction to all this was to cry.  This frustrated my husband- he wanted to get things done for the state so I wouldn't lose the state's help.  I didn't feel like I could do it in one day- make my mind up and choose a doctor.

I was making muffins and he came into the kitchen while I was doing something else.  He wasted a muffin by ruining the last of the batter, putting it in the sink and filling it with water.  Then he was trying to ice the muffins I had just pulled out of the oven while they were still too hot.  "He was only trying to help!"

I wanted to go swimming.  The dog had to go out first.  We were both trying to get the dog out when the dog wrapped the leash around us.  I was trying to get it untangled behind my hubby, and he pushes me back so I fall into the closet, almost breaking the door.  I was so pissed.  I left for the pool, didn't wait for the husband, or for the dog to be put away.  I just grabbed my stuff and left.   "He didn't realize the dog had wrapped around us and was just trying to open the door."

Exercise seemed to help tame my mood.  After an hour of swimming alone my hubby came to join me.  He gave me time to cool off (which I didn't want, but obviously needed.)  We made up or I was more level headed, and we had fun.  I apologized.  After we went to the store and when we got back home I took a half hour nap, I was absolutely exhausted from the emotional roller coaster of the day.

I woke up to find that my man had spent the time I filled with napping on cleaning our kitchen and dining room.  When I woke up he started making dinner for us: broccoli and carrots, homemade mac cheese, and marinated, breaded chicken tender pieces with some chocolate almond milk.

Despite everything I put him through yesterday, he had patience with me, he stuck with me, he still loved me enough to clean up and make dinner.  (Yes, I'm crying right now because My Husband is just so damn sweet & perfectly just what I need.)  He is the most amazing man.  My amazing man.  I love him so so so very very much, words cannot begin to describe my love for him.  He is going to make an awesome father!   I can't wait to see him holding our baby <3

Almost Six Weeks!

My baby is almost 6 weeks young!  (six weeks on monday!)

The other day I got a package: mom sent me What to Expect When Expecting!  I started reading it this morning (seeing as, as soon as the sun rises I'm awake & can't get back to sleep.)  Lots of good advice in there, and explanations that I had been looking for :)

Going into the sixth week symptoms:

•vivid dreams

•tender breasts (and a clear liquid extraction when squeezed on)

•cramps, light cramps, not terrible, but noticeable

•mood swings and randomly crying

•no cravings really

•little sleep, or hard to stay asleep, every noise or increase of light, everything wakes me up

•not hungry in the morning, starving about five hours after I've been awake though

•halitosis, the kind I can taste :P

I'm still in disbelief that I'm pregnant though.  It really hasn't sunk in.  

but the test insists... I took another test this morning...  yeah, still pregnant....  yet still not reall.... just can't wrap my mind around this...

Which is funny because I couldn't wait for this to happen and now I feel like it's just not possible. 

Yay!

I just got word from the state that they will be assisting me with food and medical bills through this pregnancy!  I can eat healthy food and get a doctor appointment scheduled now!!!  Maybe this will make it feel more real! :D

N i n e M o n t h s

Ugh!  It's torcher!!!  Nine long months!!!  When am I going to feel the baby?  I want to find out the gender now!  Can I meet my baby yet?!?!?!  Please!!!

At the same time... am I sure I'm pregnant?  It feels like really bad pms.  No period.  Positive pregnancy test.... so I must be pregnant.   It just doesn't seem real.

At this point I'm five weeks along!  My baby is the size of a sesame seed and looks like a tadpole!!!  <3

Meh

I'm four weeks along (almost five) and I feel sick :P

My head is spinning and aching, my stomach hurts, everything smells horrible.   Some how I'm starving and not hungry at all.  Ugh, I could just sleep forever!  ... can I sleep through this pregnancy?

My Husband is the best! <3  To make me feel better he had me close my eyes, put scented oil on his finger, and "took" me to an orange grove where everything smelled heavenly.

On another note: some stress has been relieved from my life.  I no longer work as a server.  All that stress is gone and replaced with the stress of finding another job.  Stressing out how I'm going to afford this baby.  Hubby's not worried though, which is confusingly relieving.

This gives me more time to spend with my husband before we add a baby to the mix.  More time to prep and plan.  More relaxing.

Change

I'm so excited to have a little one on the way!!!   Yet at the same time I'm so incredibly nervous about all the changes that are going to happen...   My life will never be the same from this moment on.

My body,
My marriage,
My relationships,
My living space,
My activities,
My whole outlook on life!

There's this little nagging voice in the back of my mind "Are you going to make a good parent?"

My body is going to change, everything is going to swell.  My boobs are going to get big, full of milk.  They're going to continue being so sensitively tender.  My feet are going to swell, my hands are going to swell, my butt is going to swell.  Oh I almost forgot: my abdomen is going to swell with child!!!!  I'm going to get fat.  Or at least feel fat.

My marriage is going to change.  We will no longer be able to just be at home.  We will have to wear clothes, listen to crying, smelling diapers.  My poor husband is going to have to be so patient with me being grumpy and irritable with everything throughout pregnancy and for the first year until we can sleep through the night.

All of my relationships will change.  I'm sure eventually most of my friends will only be people who have kids my child's age so that they can be entertained while we have "adult time."  Or I will have to hire a babysitter every time I want to do something... lol, right.  Everyone will get annoyed with me showing of kid pics, talking incessantly about my child.  That little being my husband and I created is going to be my life!  If you're not interested in hearing about it, I suggest you start saying your goodbyes now.

Living arrangements are going to change.  Being lazy about the dishes isn't going to be a option any more.  Picking up crap off the floor and keeping it off the floor is going to be a challenge (especially for my husband! <3) All that stuff that we need to keep cleaned up in going to be replaced with noisemakers and other toys, I'm sure.  We're going to have to go around and baby proof the house, locking up cupboards, covering outlets, moving equipment up and out of reach.  What to do about drawers and shoes...

We'll get to do so many new things!  Our activities will certainly change.  Only things baby can do unless we have a baby sitter.  ...

Life is going to change so very very much! It's worth it... right?

It's worth all the change to have a little snuggling, loving, sweet, adorable, bundle of joy.   To have a child that will love me and and eventually help with chores, open up new adventures, bring a new perspective to things, learn and grow with.  It's worth it.  Yeah,  all this change will definitely be worth the reward.

I can't wait to meet you, my child <3

Oh my god

(written July 11th, 2014)


My husband wanted to test yesterday.  My boobs have been super sensitive.  I wouldn't let him test because I had work yesterday and I didn't want it to ruin my day if it was negative, I didn't want to think about how broken I was all day.   We tested this morning though....  it's positive.  I have a positive pregnancy test.   Oh my god.


How do I tell everyone?


Oh my god, I'm pregnant!

Hubby is so very happy!   He's dancing and skipping around the condo.  Can't wipe the ear to ear smile off his face.
Me: I'm super happy that this day came, but I'm super terrified about all the changes that are about to occur.

Broken

(written July 2nd, 2014)

I feel as though the egg is being fertilized.  We are doing everything "right:"  I'm taking prenatal vitamins, we're doing "the baby dance" during my ovulation period, I'm allowing "settling time" after "the baby dance," we're keeping track of everything....  So the egg is being fertilized.  Plus my pms is much worse than I'm used to, which also helps me believe the process is starting.  However, my periods keep coming.  Which leads me to feeling as though I'm broken.  As though my body is not allowing the egg to attach itself to my utary wall.  *sigh* I want a baby so bad!


A new thought has come to us though:  Seeing as I have been marketing the hubby's business out of state, people out of state are booking, and I would like to travel with hubby to these new places with untold adventures....  Maybe it would be okay not to have a baby right away.  NOT SAYING WE NO LONGER WANT A BABY.  Just that we'll let nature take it's course.  No more birth control or testing obsessively for ovulation and pregnancy.  Still taking vitamins and "baby dancing" unprotected.

We want a baby, and would love for that to happen soon.  We are just going to let nature lead the way.